BUSINESS AS USUAL? C’EST LA VIE? NOT IN LIVELY TEL AVIV! 

Spend a few enchanting days and nights with a similarly enchanting woman in a cosmopolitan city of thrilling contradictions: Tel Aviv is Israel’s economic and cultural hot spot, home to half the country’s population – the melting pot of the Middle East, situated on the glittering Mediterranean Sea! Sounds a touch more exciting than your routine meeting on a rainy European day, doesn’t it? We thought so too – so give us a call now: Excellent Escorts – your exceptional escort service.

Is your Hebrew rather rusty? Then book yourself a language course, gentlemen – you’re boarding the night flight to Israel with your exquisite Excellent Escorts model. Flexibility is the keyword in sophisticated Tel Aviv: alternative, international, vibrant, controlled madness. And did we mention hot? Let’s go!

TEL AVIV: PHONES OFF PLEASE

Maybe you met your beguiling companion at Frankfurt or Dusseldorf International – Excellent Escorts is at your service wherever you are, including Germany’s big logistics hubs. Both of you are already sinking into your business class chairs. Delectable drink in front of you, even more delectable person next to you… and all the more intoxicating. Flight time: four hours – boredom: zero. No eyes for the attractive stewardesses? We fully understand – the most beautiful woman on the plane is already right next to you. If only the air conditioning wasn’t so cold. But then again, you’ll soon warm up underneath the cosy couple’s blanket…

FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS: FULL SPEED AHEAD INTO TEL AVIV’S NIGHTLIFE

Touchdown in Ben Gurion Airport – much too soon, you may find. Local time? Just right. And so: שלום – shalom! Peace and quiet? Possibly not, if you’re soon to be under the covers with your luscious lady. She pulls you unerringly right into the next dark cavern: “The Block!” In Tel Aviv’s biggest club, pounding electro and house plays from its fat sound system. You soon find yourself deep in the sea of dancers, moving to the rhythm in whichever room you feel most drawn to. The Block: it’s New York in the 80s, it’s the 21st century – where the past kisses the future. Welcome to Tel Aviv! Along with Kuwait City and Abu Dhabi, Tel Aviv is one of the three largest economic centres in the Middle East. Here, the night is always young – just like our bewitching beauties – which could cause problems on an empty stomach. Fortunately, the “Benedict” doesn’t care what time you get hungry: it serves breakfast, and only breakfast, 24 hours a day. “Sderot Rothschild”, or Rothschild Boulevard, is also 24/7: on this lively and convivial boulevard, Tel Aviv never sleeps. The “Benedict” is happy to break your fast at 3am or 3pm, and has vegan options, too.

More in the mood for meat? With your graceful lady still by your side, take a stroll under the starry sky to “Port Said”, where you’ll find sophisticated dishes, just as sharp and modern as the futuristic metropolis that surrounds you. Tel Aviv really is Israel’s melting pot – moods from many cultures envelop you, much like the elegant aura of your classy companion. Sip a smooth beverage in the “Said” while you drink in the exceptional view across the table from you… Oriental sounds drift out into the warm Mediterranean night wind and you relax for a moment – or maybe two, or three…

Are you still with us? Nodded off for a second? If you’re contending with some light jet lag, we recommend heading straight for the hottest bar in the area: the “Spicehaus”! Expand your cocktail horizons with drinks like the Istanbul-Louisville Express, and savour the quirky atmosphere – somewhere between Mad Max and Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Did someone say ‘bar’? Jimmy Who? And where? On Rothschild Boulevard, of course. In “Jimmy Who”, the scene is alive and kicking: Tel Aviv’s top DJs spin a mix of genres, including no-holds-barred rock. You’ll also dance your way through their ridiculously broad spectrum of conscience-clouding cocktails. Want to chill out over there on the decommissioned dentist’s chair? Sing your heart out (your Excellent Escort will never let slip) to some indie songs? Go ahead – Jimmy Who is in a bunker, so nobody outside will hear you – not even your serendipitous business contact tomorrow (unless he’s singing along next to you).

Just as we suspected: the tie and the humdrum business life are starting to slip away, and the temperature’s set to soar even higher. Next stop: “Radio EPGB”! The “Radio” is a haven for the creative and the beautiful – you’ll see plenty of skin and some bold fashion statements, especially from the city’s well-heeled yet wild students. With the exceptions of conspicuous tattoos and dazzling VIPs, the ambience in the EPGB remains wonderfully dark and mysterious, making the closeness of your companion feel all the more intense.

Don’t mind waking up with red eyes tomorrow morning? Then get yourself to the “Breakfast Club”, where Tel Aviv raves all through the night, every Tuesday to Saturday. Breakfast? Not a chance – fine Israeli irony, à la Kishon. The top satirist lived and wrote for many years in this blue and white, colourful, flashy, relaxed, traditional, forward-looking, independent, interlinked – oh yes: contradictory city. No breakfast in the Breakfast Club. And then it’s back to the non-stop Benedict for a massive carbohydrate hit, a sudden-cardiac espresso, and then onwards to paradise:

The “Paradise Garage” will get your heart pounding, playing the best electronic and dance music until ten o’clock – in the morning, naturally. With the beat pulsing at 140 bpm, adrenaline and endorphins will flood your system. After a final enlivening drink, you and your still outrageously good-looking lady drift to the beach, already warm in the morning sun. Time to collapse, perfectly, into the sand. You can hear familiar songs off in the distance – the dream is still real. But before any onset of sunburn, knock the sand off your shoes and, giggling and grinning absurdly, race to the foyer of the Rothschild: a trendy boutique hotel in wonderfully angular Bauhaus architecture – fingers crossed, they have a small suite available. In this five-star setting, it’s time to do something about that five o’clock shadow – where better than under a delightfully hot shower. Then, you can wonder about the full capabilities of the room – and your Excellent partner…

ORIENT EXPRESS, RELAXED: THE OTHER TEL AVIV

Slowly stirring – where were we? Early afternoon Mediterranean light fills your bedroom, while the astonishing beauty next to you studies the options for the day. Nice suite, by the way. You turn over lazily. – Tel Aviv! Right on the warm Mediterranean Sea, western Middle East, oriental West, the focal point of different worlds! Nomen est omen: the city’s name translates as “Old-New”, and it’s definitely a place where tradition and future meet. But for now, your empty stomach is calling you into the present! It’s still a tad too early for the “Romano”, your enchanting lady informs you, and smiles as she rescues your breakfast tray (featuring hangover cure) and slides it onto the bedside table. For hipsters, all roads lead to the “Romano”, you hear her regale, in between enlivening sips of coffee and satisfying chomps into perfectly cooked eggs – the trendy restaurant starts in the stairwell of the retro building, and is renowned for its hot Italian delicacies and its cool guests. The relaxed, party atmosphere in the atrium is perfect for a casual dining experience. The Romano crew serve tempting pizza dishes to the young or otherwise fresh crowd, your private tour guide continues.

Breakfast tray empty, but energy levels still in the red? Your tantalising temptress from our distinguished escort service whispers in your ear: then head to Meshek Barzilay. You spontaneously ask yourself if lunch is really your most urgent problem.

A while later, finding yourselves in a great mood, you’ll meet in the popular “Meshek”, the brunch & lunch temple of the buzzing coastal city. Nourishment is definitely the top priority, so quickly order a selection from their extensive menu! Consider this your warning – “big” doesn’t do justice to the portions at this Mediterranean eatery – a caloric mega-tsunami is soon to land on your plate. You get a lot of bang for your buck here!

Alternatively, you might like to lunch at the “Montefiore” hotel. Located right in the city centre, the restaurant of this stylish boutique residence has de facto internationality: with elements from Asia, the Italo-French region and the USA, you can join the dots of the exciting history of some of Israel’s geographic and political ties. In the pleasant hubbub of this lively haven, you’ll soon recognise representatives from each of the corresponding nations. After gorging yourself at the “Meshek”, it’s the perfect time for a caffeine pick-me-up. For this, we recommend “Puaa” in the heart of Jaffa, the sister city in the official metropolis of Tel Aviv-Jaffa. In this cute and cosy cafe, you can enjoy an invigorating cappuccino, or whatever else takes your fancy. Make sure to take your eyes off your seductive special tour guide for at least a moment to have a look at the tempting drinks menu.

The warm ambience in “Puaa” comes from its unusual combination of ingredients: an ingenious melange of cosy living room, upscale flea market, and flashback to the 20th century. That’s why it’s possible to buy the unique designer chair that finds itself under your just as elegantly curved companion – many of the stylish pieces in “Puaa” are available for purchase if desired. How can you smuggle this bulky seat, a memento of all that’s (im)possible, in your hand luggage on the return flight? Just send the delicate item back in the nearest giant container – you’re in a port city of contradictions, after all.

In fact, all over Tel Aviv, you’ll encounter unabashed fusions of apparent opposites. The ordinary madness of daily life in Tel Aviv will continue to intrigue you. In the face of all this illogicality, might we suggest a drink at the equally controversial “BuXa Bar”: situated on the ever-creative Sderot Rothschild, this bohemian hipster watering hole is where local artists flaunt their wares while underground DJs spin tracks. It’s a great place to drink, chill, and sample the creative spirit of Tel Aviv. For a romantic transition to the following day, we recommend the picturesque “Tailor Made”, which fully lives up to its name: under the glittering night sky, you can enjoy anything from a light bite to a hearty meal, a simple nightcap to a kaleidoscope of cocktails. As the other guests head off into the night, you and your bewitching beauty will have the place to yourselves to flirt, flirt, flirt – and “Tailor Made” only closes when the last guests make an exit.

All life came from the sea – so to revive yourselves, you hold each other close and take a stroll along the beach to the “Shalvata”, an outdoor club on the shore, where you can dance day and night throughout the weekend. As you look around you at the other dancers, and gaze into the eyes of your attractive escort service seductress, you see people who, just like you, love living life to the full. A gentle coastal wind keeps the dancers feeling fresh, and there is always a free table inviting you to relax and soak in the splendid sea view. Your excellent companion shares the chair with you – you both wish this night would never end, shooing away your return flight in the early morning sky. As soon as you can stop laughing, the waitress will come to you with your next drink. Shalom!